So it begins. The time where I blink and it’s 2014. As soon as the turkey is off the table I’m go, go, go. I love the holidays. I just hate that I can never, ever, get a handle on it, no matter how hard I try.
I consumed half a Mccain Deep n’ Delicous chocolate cake, a bag of Cheeto’s, and half a box of pizza (pepperoni, mushroom, ground beef) today; not to mention the pieces of chocolate bars I had throughout the day (thanks Halloween trick or treaters)… Yeah, it’s been that kinda day. It’s hard to imagine a few months ago I was the complete opposite. I had a complete re-education on food, and dieting. For starters, diet’s don’t work. I’ve never been a dieter in my life, I’ve always had a love affair food and still do, but it was the TYPE of diet that consisted of gluten, lots of simple carbs, meats, oils, bad fats, sugars that made me feel foggy, bloated, moody, tired, irritable, and miserable. Balance was the key. Nothing I’m saying is ground breaking, its the same thing being said for decades, however it’s just one of those things that can’t be explained, it needs to be experienced. Needless to say, that experience was life changing.
So what happened?
Well what always happens. I’m super into something, then I’m not. I’m super committed then I’m not.
Living a particular lifestyle of eating clean, home cooked meals is far from easy. One of the biggest challenges is going out to eat with friends and family, being invited to dinners at people’s houses, travelling, working long hours… I started to manage, then I didn’t.
In the last few months I have also been quite obsessed with productivity, personal growth, and development. In fact, as long as I can remember I have always been interested in this, only at the time I came to know this whole genre of information as “self-help”. How do I be a better version of myself tomorrow? I can find a lot of negativity here, mainly because the version of myself today isn’t good enough, that I need something tomorrow. I think that I’m trying to be a better person when all the while I’m really just beating myself up for being the crappy person right now. Harsh. However, there’s also a more promising side to this. It allows me to be thankful for what today has brought me, and plan how to address things in a different manner the next time it arises - if ever, tomorrow, or the next day.
So what about the holidays? They are busy, they are hectic, they can be stressful, and whether you’re ready or not it is happening. Plan accordingly. Then stick to it. Don’t beat yourself up if not everything was crossed off that to-do list, or that something didn’t come out as good as you had hoped. There’s tomorrow.
Tomorrow I will be back to eating the way I did this spring, and reading those books I have. I will going to bed earlier, waking up earlier, and feeling so much better. PROduction is a PROcess.
I really just don’t want another day like today.
Some of my happiest moments are when I was a kid. Mostly because I spent a lot of time outdoors, hanging out with my friends, playing games, reading, and going on trips with friends and family.
I ask myself, what’s stopping you from enjoying your life now as you did when you were younger? Time. The time to hang out with friends, the time to enjoy the outdoors, the time to go on adventures and travel, the time for doing things I enjoy like cooking, reading, working out, even play games… it’s all inaccessible to me. Why is that?
My day to day runs like this: I wake up around 8 or 9 in the morning, I usually hang out in bed for about 30 to 45 mins reading random articles on my cell phone, or flipping through a magazine. Then I get up and drink a tall glass of water and eat some breakfast. I get to work, remain there for about 6 hours, then come home. Depending on my day, I take a nap or relax in silence in my room, then I make some dinner, clean up, and do it all over again. Occasionally my week will consist of visiting friends, going out for dinner or coffee, and running errands like going to the bank, or the grocery store.
Even though that doesn’t seem to be like a lot, or to be that chaotic or hectic, I always go to bed exhausted, and wake up a little agitated. My room is always a constant mess, my hallway has a million pairs of shoes everywhere, the couches in my living room have more things sitting on them then people, and I always feel like I can never catch a break.
I have too much stuff. The reason for my stress, for my unhappiness, has a lot to do with the amount of things I own. I spend more time cleaning, and reorganizing than I do relaxing and enjoying my life. Let’s not even talk about financially. I’m not struggling or anything like that, but when I realize how much money I spend on stuff, it scares me a bit. Especially when a lot of it just sits there and collects dust and not even gets used.
Not owning a lot of things allows you to enjoy the freedom to do whatever it is that you want, because you have the time to. You’re not being held captive by the massive amount of garbage and stuff surrounding you constantly.
I’m currently at this part of my life: It’s hard to let go, but it’s even harder to hold on. I’m missing out on an entire life, and my stuff is to blame.
“If you repeat something over and over again it loses its meaning; You watch the sunset too often it just becomes 6 pm, you make the same mistake over and over you stop calling it a mistake. If you just wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up one day you’ll forget why”Phil Kaye from Repetition (via impetrate)
“The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.”Charles Bukowski (via impetrate)
“No one has ever become poor by giving.”The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank (via impetrate)